in college, my groomsman william and i dreamed up a character called third world country guy and we said if third world country guy came to visit us in the states and saw the way we lived….while they ate rocks and bugs….he* would kick our @$$. price club would be an example. owning animals as pets instead of as potential food source is another. here is another:

we use jet engines to dry our hands. while many(elsewhere)have never flown before, we are installing smaller versions of planes in our bathrooms so that we can rid ourselves of pesky water residue on our hands.

the upside of this of course is that we do use less paper products. the old way was to destroy forests, creating barren wastelands,  so that we can rid ourselves of pesky water residue on our hands.

i do confess…i love the dyson hand dryer! i usually take a pass on most air blowing devices but happily waddle over to the dysons when i see one installed. this is the most effective dryer that i’ve ever used. the old ones rarely did much, using so much electrical juice  just to move the water around…..i had more success waving my arms around in circular motions-which is how i suspect most people around the world satisfyingly dry their hands.

but in some parts of the world, they do not intentionally dry any parts of their bodies. its so hot there, they enjoy the coolness any excess water brings….so this device becomes double confounding.

* of course on 9/11, we discovered that third world country guy had a name.

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

a little known fact is that duh!journal started out as a medical publication revealing wasteful studies on things we already knew. so it is always good to get back to our roots in the medical field…….

from ap:

Israeli official: Swine flu name offensive

JERUSALEM — The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.

Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and “we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu,” he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.

**************

…..because mexican flu is not offensive at all.  and surprise! mexico is not happy…from the jerusalem post:

Mexico on Tuesday launched an official complaint to Israel regarding Deputy Health Minister Ya’acov Litzman’s suggestion to call swine flu “Mexican flu” in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork.

Mexico’s Ambassador to Israel Frederico Salas complained to the Foreign Ministry in Jerusalem that the name Mexican influenza was bothersome and worrying.

The Foreign Ministry stressed that Israel had no intention of changing the name of the virus and emphasized the friendly ties between Israel and Mexico.

*******************

and presenting something even worse…from sfgate.com:

That didn’t take long: Swine flu renamed “killer Mexican flu” by group urging border closed

so i asked our friend leo chen one day, if his name is short for anything or is it just leo? he said….just leo. it got me thinking where that name came from. then we just started making up origins of the name. and started calling him permutations of leo.

so for one year, i’ll present one a week until we’ve exhausted the possibilities. we are now into our fifth month. i currently do not have 52 versions but only enough to get ??????. you can help if you’d like.

this week…..i will call my friend leo, leolithic.

in the past, i’ve called my friend leo so far:leonardo and leopold, for christmas, noel, leotard, leopatra, leoben(for bsg), leometro, bibliotecha, fileo fish, leodis, leodore, leonazi, leopard, diosleos!, le occitane, speleology, leo and behold, leona helmsley, leogeo.

when people come into the city, we are always surprised by where they want to visit or to go eat. they are equally surprised that we do not frequent those places or want to go eat there. no. i do not want to eat at ruby tuesdays , bennigans or tgifridays in times square. then they ask where we go……so here are the places we like…not the best or the cheapest or whatever category….just where we go and go on a regular basis…

some days, living in new york is like living in any place in the world. we do mundane things: we go to work, wash up, eat(everyday things)or maybe not. we go to bed and reboot. then there are days we find extraordinary people with no line on the horizon visions who decide new york is the place for their realities. welcome to the doughnut plant.

there are doughnuts and then there’s this place. this is high art. off the website, here are some of the featured flavors: coconut glaze with coconut cream, creme brulee, cashew, peanut butter glaze/strawberry jelly, vanilla bean, tres leches…

the taste and feel of the pastries: decadent. these are some of the best doughnuts i have ever tasted. this is the way doughnuts are supposed to taste. everywhere else are serving fraudulent doughnuts.

i am glad that i do not live near the lower east side….i would be at least 50 pounds overweight if not obese. and fat pastors are so cliche with their shrill reprimands about our temple of god bodies and social justice for the poor and hungry. hard sells when you fit through the turnstiles sideways.

but i am starting to run again and for special occasions…usually when i’m eating with my parents near congee village or when i am at the starbucks at allen and delancey…i make a stop here and pick up a few for my family…

here are chocolate something doesn’t matter its awesome, pistachio and tres leches. tres leches was magical. i’ve had other varities here and magical is the word.

the upside is that i rarely eat doughnuts knowing that this place is out there. its ruined my taste for what others try to pawn off on me. so when i do get a chance to buy these up, i feel no guilt.

my friend jon moy tagged me on this…but i was unsure of the rules except what was in the title. he wanted to do a version of the random 25 that was not as pretentious. in my continuing efforts to descend the ivory tower that seems to be my lot in life, i did this too. i promised to periodically post videos of the songs i picked as a public service to people who want to hear the soundtrack in my head. today’s track as done by frank sinatra:

these are songs that i chose for a mix of reasons….some define me…some played crucial roles at turning points in my life…some continue to shape me….some i can listen to over and over…some i would jump to hear live…and many if not most, encompass all these reasons.

here’s the complete list:

U2 bad
U2 all I want is you
U2 stay
Radiohead let down
Rolling stones under my thumb
Beatles in my life
Arcade fire wake up
Killers all these things that I’ve done
Stone temple pilots plush
Frank Sinatra new york, new york

i got a mini-plan to the new stadium after they gave me a pretty good renewal deal including row 5 seats in the bleachers. no obstructed nonsense with flat screens for me! also no $2,600 per seat per game….that’s the top price in the house. luxury seats down in that area start at $500!

nope…no nonsense on either end of the spectrum for me. i got the common person tickets in the outfield. along with the dozen games, i got a presale code that allowed me to get the cubs preseason game and also…opening day! we got there early and walked around to enjoy the pageantry and decorations….

and we were in our seats at noon for the opening ceremony. its been cold almost all winter including some pretty seattle dreary, misty days. but on this day, the sun was warm and bountiful. maybe even too hot for those of us who thought we were still in winter and dressed in layers. our bodies were certainly confused. we started shedding and continued throughout the afternoon.

the opening day ceremony was underwhelming with an old time band tribute to the original yankee stadium. there was the obligatory parading of former yankees….some surprises like david wells(who wound up sitting with us in the bleachers), dave winfield and ken griffey sr. who had love/hate relationships with the fans and management.  but other than that and the giant flag….it was a pretty vanilla ceremony. the best part for me was bernie williams playing take me out to the ballgame acoustic…then getting serenaded ala paul oneil….a proper send off that he did not receive thanks to cashman and the brain trust.

btw, the game was a dog. we got blown out…..so the real story of the day was….

food! this steak sandwich is the premium item at the park. hearty, carved slices of prime rib? in a specialty bun. when we got in line, they ran out of meat but almost nobody got out of the line for 25 minutes. eventually, two guys did and then the meat showed up! but it was undercooked….they had to go back into the kitchen. so they started handing out burnt end samples and ribs. delicious!…..but it only made us hungrier.

when the food got there…the crew got to work. the chef barked instructions and admonishments:”there’s the best….and then…there’s the rest….we want to be the best!!!! right???!!!!”

if you’re a vegan, you’re throwing up. but if you’re a carnivore……this is one of the best items i’ve ever had at a ballpark. i think i would have prefered it cook just a tad longer but like the bronx natives drooling at the stand were saying: that’s legit. that is the real deal.

we stayed in our seats until we realized that we didn’t have to. we walked around closer to the plate and watched part of the game from behind the rich seats. then the usher let us down for the last half inning since most people had already headed home. the cushion on the seat took 5 seconds…five!….to sink when i sat on it. pretty luxurious. wing and i enjoyed our brief moment feeling old money.

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

this speaks for itself……it spells it self out.

not cgi or clever editing…..just unclever spell checking.

Posted under duh! journal

i already have a column about comic books but i also wanted one exclusively on collecting(mostly toys). so i thought of the collector…the supervillian identity of the comic book guy on the simpsons….this is a nerdy homage to him, collecting and indirectly to matt groening.

i read somewhere that its part of human nature to collect. so a question to ask, that is strangely revealing, is what is it that we collect?……handbags, music, stamps, coins, shoes, clothes, memories, gadgets, junk, plastic bags to reuse, rocks…

the only toys i am currently collecting are the futurama series….well made figures…but a small enough allotment that it’s an affordable luxury. and they don’t come out very often. perhaps 2 figures every 3-4 months. and they are usually late.

in addition,  there’s the build a robot draw that i’m a sucker for. each figure in the set comes with a part to build an additional figure….6 figures become 7!

once my daughter is born, we’ll see what she’ll collect. and perhaps i’ll pass the collecting gene and torch to the next generation.

here is wave 5….

a robot fest this time with calculon……the soap acting ham.

and a bender variant as his super hero alias…super king.

both come with a part to build the killer santa robot. one more wave of figures and off to robot building!!

president obama has been making lots of headlines since entering office…but my favorite headline comes from the day before his inauguration…mostly for personal reasons…..

only a few people would know what i’m referring to…so i will let you in on the joke.

“joke”

being a speaker, there are cliches that annoy me. most cliches do….instead of writing, saying, thinking something original, we default to a pre-packaged phrase….sometimes even misusing it. “low key” is one of those cliches….to alleviate my anger, i always hear it as loki.

so one night early in my marriage, my wife requested a low key night….and i responded manically- like loki, the norse god of mischief??? and pranced around with hands mimicking horns on my head. theresa wondered what she married.

i laugh that president obama chose to have a low key night before becoming the most powerful man in the world.

so i asked our friend leo chen one day, if his name is short for anything or is it just leo? he said….just leo. it got me thinking where that name came from. then we just started making up origins of the name. and started calling him permutations of leo.

so for one year, i’ll present one a week until we’ve exhausted the possibilities. we are now into our fourth month. i currently do not have 52 versions but only enough to get started. you can help if you’d like.

this week…..i will call my friend leo, leogeo….in honor of the beloved video game system.

in the past, i’ve called my friend leo so far:leonardo and leopold, for christmas, noel, leotard, leopatra, leoben(for bsg), leometro, bibliotecha, fileo fish, leodis, leodore, leonazi, leopard, diosleos!, le occitane, speleology, leo and behold, leona helmsley.