Hosive

it's a little ole place where we can get together

Archive for the ‘duh! journal’ Category

Apr-11-2010

from the pages of duh!journal: duh!journal mascot # seven

i haven’t done this in awhile….hmmm….the last one was around zoe’s birth! another casualty of fatherhood. hope to finish off the series  before they disappear off youtube.

i was thinking that we need a mascot for duh!journal….or a funny pages section….or at least one regular comic strip. most newspapers and magazines have at least one of these. even the new york times….on sundays….in their magazine is a weekly strip. so i scoured the earth and am going to post the sasquatch ads from jack links beef jerky.

these videos communicate duh! because the humans in the videos mess with the monster known as sasquatch with disastrous results. you don’t mess around with monsters!! what makes it double duh! is that the dumb@$$e$ buy, consume and enjoy the product the commercials are selling giving the subtle subtext of dumb@$$e$ eat and like our beef jerky; we’re dummies! and you can be just like us! by eating our products!

sure you could look them up on google or youtube…..so what would be the point of watching them here?….but isn’t that the case with any video that’s posted? maybe you have found out about the videos here….will watch them elsewhere….and relive them here as i post them periodically.

Posted under duh! journal, messin with sasquatch
Feb-2-2010

from the pages of duh!journal: happy(robot)groundhog day!

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

peta is the source of many a cringe funny moment. one website commentator said this: ” I don’t even think PETA is a real organization. I think it’s a troupe of sketch comedians trying to say the most insane things they can to get press, who will eventually parlay their efforts into a movie. They can’t be real people. Really, they can’t.”

here’s the story in question:

Groundhog Day: PETA wants to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot

Punxsutawney Phil, Groundhog Day’s mascot, may get an early retirement and a cyborg doppelganger, if PETA has its way.

With Groundhog Day just a few hours away, eyes turn toward Gobbler’s Knob in Pennsylvania. Tuesday, Punxsutawney Phil will waddle from his hole, look for his shadow, and announce whether winter will tighten its grasp or step aside for Spring.
But this year, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) thinks it’s time for the nation’s hairiest weatherman to enjoy an early retirement. PETA’s proposal: instead of parading and manhandling the wee groundhog, replace ol’ Phil with a robot.

It’s time to consider “retiring Phil to a sanctuary and replacing him with an electronic groundhog,” says the official PETA blog. “Phil is forced to be on display year round at the local library and is denied the ability to prepare for and enter yearly hibernation…. Add to that the displeasure of large, screaming crowds, flashing lights of cameras, and human handling.”

Animatronics have come a long way – last year, the Horizons blog even joked that President Obama should consider a robot dog. Rather than look for its shadow, an iPhil could analyze the latest weather patterns, perhaps even project how global warning might permanently usher in an early Spring.

Yet, won’t a Phil-bot lack the cuddly charm of a real groundhog?

One PETA commenter thought so: “I think retiring Phil is not the best idea. Is living at a library with children who love him and show him affection that horrible?” asks Adam in response to the post. “He would suffer more hardship back in the wild then continuing what he has been doing his whole life. Also when you say screaming crowds, who is screaming? He’s not Bono.”

The Altoona (Penn.) Mirror, located 90 minutes southeast of Punxsutawney, ran an editorial today denouncing the proposed robot outsourcing. “We agree with William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club, who said Phil is ‘being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.’ Indeed, Phil is treated like a king, surely the envy of all of his fellow groundhogs.”

PETA’s animals-in-entertainment specialist, Gemma Vaughan, wrote to Mr. Deeley that “These normally shy animals — who are constantly on alert when they are out of their burrows — become stressed when they are exposed to large, screaming crowds; flashing lights from perhaps hundreds of cameras; and human handling…. Other popular exhibitions have featured robotic penguins and dolphins who swim and communicate just like real animals do, and we think that an animatronic groundhog would similarly mesmerize a crowd full of curious spectators in Punxsutawney.”

Another commenter, Bri, supported PETA’s idea, saying that “I think it is a good idea to retire Phil. Yeah, sure he is living a great life, but that life was not naturally meant to be for him. It would be like keeping a bear in your house to keep as a pet, when it should be in the wild. Phil is not a domesticated animal. He is a groundhog. Living with humans is not natural to a wild animal.”

Posted under duh! journal
Nov-19-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: stephen jackson is confused

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

poor stephen jackson can’t figure out why nobody likes him and why everybody thinks he’s a bad guy….

Jackson says he’s seen as ‘bad guy’

NEW YORK –(recently traded) Golden State Warriors star Stephen Jackson claims people have been portraying him as “the bad guy” since he went public with his trade request in August.

Jackson said after practice Thursday that “people want me to be somebody to point the finger at and say, ‘He ain’t doing this, or he’s not humble, or he’s not doing this.”

Jackson signed a three-year, $28 million contract extension last November, but his relationship with the franchise has became strained. Jackson was suspended two games during the preseason for an outburst directed at coach Don Nelson, and played just 18 minutes Wednesday night.

******

but stephen jackson seems to have forgotten this…..

we don’t think you’re a bad guy for whining……

we think you’re a bad guy because of this vintage scene……

would it help or hurt if stephen jackson went shirtless more often?

Posted under duh! journal
Sep-3-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: we screwed up on madoff!

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

and we specialize in overt stupidity.

this is a multiple duh! investigation! super duper duh! there are multiple times i screamed duh! as i read this article. enjoy and try to believe that this was a sober, serious minded, objective investigation where the conclusion was even in doubt. because this is also a joke.

SEC investigation: We missed Madoff

Securities and Exchange Commission watchdog says regulators missed ‘numerous’ red flags that suggested a Ponzi scheme was underway.

By Jennifer Liberto, CNNMoney.com senior writer

WASHINGTON (CNNMoney.com) — The Securities and Exchange Commission overlooked “more than ample” evidence, including six complaints, that red-flagged the Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme, an internal watchdog said Wednesday.

A broad review of the SEC and its efforts at tracking Madoff found a “thorough and competent investigation was never performed.”

“Despite numerous credible and detailed complaints, the SEC never properly examined or investigated Madoff’s trading and never took the necessary, but basic, steps to determine if Madoff was operating a Ponzi scheme,” according to a 22-page SEC inspector general report.

The report is a summary of a 450-page investigative report that is expected to highlight, in great detail, the different ways the agency missed the Madoff scandal.

The full report is expected to be released Friday.

Madoff, 71, was sentenced to 150 years in prison on June 29. He is incarcerated at a medium security federal prison in North Carolina.

Judge Denny Chin of the U.S. District Court in Manhattan said he gave Madoff the maximum sentence based on the damage that Madoff inflicted on his thousands of victims.

As in a classic Ponzi scheme, Madoff accepted funds from his investors and stole instead of investing it. He used fresh funds to make payments to other investors. The amount he stole, still under investigation, was likely in the billions of dollars.

The summary released Wednesday cleared SEC agency staffers of “inappropriate” connections with Madoff. It said that a former SEC staffer’s relationship with Madoff’s niece did not influence their reviews of Madoff and his firm.

But the report faults the agency for not adequately responding to complaints that date back to 1992 as well as two critical yet “reputable” media accounts that questioned Madoff’s unusually consistent returns. The report says that the agency caught Madoff in lies but “disregarded these concerns.”

“Even when Madoff’s answers were seemingly implausible, the SEC examiners accepted them at face value,” the report said.

The report added that the “most egregious” mistake was the failure of investigators to follow up on a tip that Madoff wasn’t trading the volume of securities that he said he was trading. They had even asked for Madoff’s “Depository Trust Company” account number, suggesting they intended to check with the independent clearinghouse.

Even Madoff was spooked and thought at the time, “it was the end game, over.”

But the agency never followed through.

“A simple inquiry to one of several third parties could have immediately revealed the fact that Madoff was not trading in the volume he was claiming,” the report said.

Attorney Nancy Fineman interviewed Madoff this summer, and he talked about the piddle with SEC investigators who didn’t follow up.

“He said he thought he’d come on Monday and he’d be shut down. And he wasn’t, and he wasn’t the next day, and he kept on defrauding,” said Fineman of Cotchett, Pitre and McCarthy in San Francisco. “He knew that he was kind of a ticking time bomb since then.”

Several lawmakers on Wednesday seized on the inspector general’s findings. Congress has been waiting for the report as it considers how to overhaul the financial regulatory system.

“The inspector general’s report lays out the string of massive regulatory failures and incompetent investigations at the SEC that led to unimaginable loss for so many,” said Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., chairman of the Senate Banking Committee. “We will use this report to learn what went wrong and figure out how best to get things right.”

Posted under duh! journal
Aug-21-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: zombies are bad news

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

this is no joke….scientists speculate what would happen if zombies really did exist and conclude that it would not be good and they should be stopped quickly or else……

oh…you can read it yourself! i particularly enjoyed the strategies to combat zombies. more grants for scientists to produce work for duh!journal!

Science ponders ‘zombie attack’

By Pallab Ghosh
Science correspondent, BBC News

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada.

They say only frequent counter-attacks with increasing force would eradicate the fictional creatures.

The scientific paper is published in a book – Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress.

In books, films, video games and folklore, zombies are undead creatures, able to turn the living into other zombies with a bite.

But there is a serious side to the work.

In some respects, a zombie “plague” resembles a lethal, rapidly spreading infection. The researchers say the exercise could help scientists model the spread of unfamiliar diseases through human populations.

In their study, the researchers from the University of Ottawa and Carleton University (also in Ottawa) posed a question: If there was to be a battle between zombies and the living, who would win?

Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: “We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.

“We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions.”

To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.

“While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said.

Back for good?

Even so, their analysis revealed that a strategy of capturing or curing the zombies would only put off the inevitable.

In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.

They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

According to the researchers, the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that “zombies can come back to life”.

Professor Neil Ferguson, who is one of the UK government’s chief advisers on controlling the spread of swine flu, said the study did have parallels with some infectious diseases.

“None of them actually cause large-scale death or disease, but certainly there are some fungal infections which are difficult to eradicate,” said Professor Ferguson, from Imperial College London.

“There are some viral infections – simple diseases like chicken pox have survived in very small communities. If you get it when you are very young, the virus stays with you and can re-occur as shingles, triggering a new chicken pox epidemic.”

Professor Smith? told BBC News: “When you try to model an unfamiliar disease, you try to find out what’s happening, try to approximate it. You then refine it, go back and try again.”

“We refined the model again and again to say… here’s how you would tackle an unfamiliar disease.”

Professor Ferguson went on to joke: “The paper considers something that many of us have worried about – particularly in our younger days – of what would be a feasible way of tackling an outbreak of a rapidly spreading zombie infection.

“My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it’s dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days.”

Posted under duh! journal
Aug-5-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: separation from parents is bad

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

this comes as a surprise unless you are down with duh!journal

actually a sad, sad story rather than a funny one…parents who are shocked that shipping their kids away to another country was a bad idea…they learned the sad truth.

Chinese-American Children Sent to Live With Kin Abroad Face a Tough Return

By NINA BERNSTEIN
Published by nytimes.

Gordon, 3, would not look his parents in the eyes, and refused to call them Mom and Dad. He erupted in tantrums and sometimes cried nonstop for half an hour.

“We did not know why,” said his mother, Winnie Liu, recalling the desperation that sent them to a neurologist to check Gordon for autism, and to a hospital that referred them to Butterflies, a mental health program for very young children on the Lower East Side of Manhattan.

Finally they learned the reason for their child’s distress — and the reason social service agencies that help families from China are facing a sharp rise in such developmental problems.

Like thousands of other Chinese immigrants responding to financial and cultural pressures, Ms. Liu and her husband, Tim Fang, had sent Gordon to live with his grandparents, thousands of miles away in Fujian Province, a few months after his birth in New York. Working long hours in the restaurant business, they had not brought him back to the United States until he was old enough to attend all-day public preschool.

And now he saw them as strangers who had stolen him away to a strange land.

“The children that have that experience come back with tremendous needs,” said Nina Piros, director of early childhood programs at University Settlement, a nonprofit agency that estimates that 400 of the 1,000 children served by its Butterflies program are returnees from China. “They come here and they’re totally traumatized.”

Some act out in frightening and confusing ways, she said, banging their heads on walls, refusing to speak, or wandering aimlessly in the classroom. These signs of extreme trauma have often been misunderstood as symptoms of autism. But they are the marks of the emotional dislocations these young children have endured.

Less severely affected youngsters are helped through supportive workshops for their teachers and parents. But about two dozen in the Butterflies program need the kind of intensive therapy that eventually helped Gordon and his parents bond, said Andrea D. Bennett, director of Butterflies, which was started three years ago with money from the City Council.

The phenomenon of American-born children who spend their infancy in China has been known for years to social workers, who say it is widespread and worrying. About 8,000 Chinese-born women gave birth in New York last year, so the number of children at risk is substantial, according to the Chinese-American Planning Council, a social service agency that hopes to get a grant to educate parents about the pitfalls of the practice and help them find alternatives.

But no one tracks the numbers, and the issue has only recently seized the attention of early-childhood researchers like Yvonne Bohr, a clinical psychologist at York University in Toronto, who calls such children “satellite babies.”

Their repeatedly disrupted attachments to family members “could potentially add up to a mental health crisis for some immigrant communities,” Dr. Bohr wrote in an article in May in The Infant Mental Health Journal. She cited classic research like the work of Anna Freud, who found that young children evacuated during the London blitz were so damaged by separation from their parents that they would have been better off at home, in danger of falling bombs.

Dr. Bohr, who is undertaking a longitudinal study of families with satellite babies, cautions that the older research was shaped by Western values and expectations. Chinese parents, including university-educated professionals she has studied, are often influenced by cultural traditions: an emphasis on self-sacrifice for the good of the family, a belief that grandparents are the best caretakers, and a desire to ground children in their heritage.

Sending babies back to grandparents is also done in some South Asian communities, she said.

But Amanda Peck, a spokeswoman for University Settlement, which has been serving newcomers to the Lower East Side since 1886, said that while family separations are a feature of migration in many ethnic groups, the satellite-baby phenomenon seems rare outside the Chinese community.

Some children are better able to adapt, whether because of natural resilience, more supportive parenting or the age at which disruptions occurred. Even in severe cases like Gordon’s, the Butterflies program has had success in overcoming the worst consequences of separation with therapeutic play and support for parent and child, said Victoria Chiu, its bilingual therapist.

But for many children, new separations are in store even after they return to the United States. In one typical case, parents migrated to work in a Chinese restaurant in South Carolina, taking a school-age child along, but leaving a baby in China and a 3-year-old with grandparents in New York.

“The 3-year-old, he wouldn’t even smile,” Ms. Chiu said. “When he sat in circle time, his whole little body was just slumped.”

Gordon, now 7, keeps up with his second-grade classmates and has learned to control his temper, said his parents, who own Wild Ginger, a restaurant on Broome Street. In imperfect but fluent English, his mother recounted the hard climb to that happy resolution, and revisited the scene of major turning points: a tiny playroom under the eaves of the old settlement house, where a dollhouse and a big plush dog played a role in healing her son.

Dressed as a superhero, Gordon would often rescue the dog from a pretend fire in the dollhouse, saving him from “the bad guys,” as Ms. Chiu and his mother played along.

“I was the bad lady,” Gordon’s mother, 31, recalled ruefully. “Then the play changed, and he tried to save Mom from the bad guy.”

The therapist explained: “He was trying to find mastery over things he had no control over. We started introducing scenarios to help him develop trust in his parents’ authority over his life.”

Ms. Liu, who was 17 when she immigrated to New York on a green card sponsored by her father, pressed a hand to her heart. “This wonderful therapist, this program, help us read the child’s mind,” she said. “Now he hug me, and he say ‘Mommy’ sometimes.”

Still, Gordon remains more withdrawn than typical 7-year-olds. Ms. Liu said she struggles with guilt and regret.

“I advise all Chinese families, do not send your kids away, no matter how hard, because that loss cannot be made up,” she said. “Money is not so important. Nothing can make up for the sensation of love between parents and children.”

The shuttling of babies first caught public attention in New York a decade ago, when women workers from Fujian Province, deep in debt to the “snakeheads” who had smuggled them into the country, had little choice but to send their infants back to their extended families.

Typically, such children returned at school age. Their tough adjustment to the change in language, customs and parental discipline was generally likened to the problems of other immigrant children, who must often cope with long-delayed reunions after being left behind for years.

Now, however, because of the expansion of free full-day preschool in recent years, satellite babies return and start classes as young as 2 years, 9 months.

Their parents, including many lawful permanent residents and citizens like Gordon’s mother, assume that the children will adjust more easily because they are so young. But early childhood is the crucial time for learning to form attachments and feel empathy, and serious disruptions carry lifelong consequences, psychologists say, including higher rates of depression and dysfunction.

Many families are unaware of the potential psychological damage, said Hong Shing Lee, chief operating officer of the Asian-American Federation of New York.

That was the case for the family of Alisa Chen, now 4. Alisa was 6 months old when her mother, Qiao Yuni Chen, a waitress unable to afford day care, took her to her grandmother in China. When Mrs. Chen returned more than a year later to visit — and to leave Alisa’s baby sister, Angie — she was heartbroken by Alisa’s rejection. Only in the last two weeks of a three-month stay was Alisa willing to sleep at her mother’s side.

Alisa started preschool at University Settlement in August, only a week after arriving in New York; two months later, teachers referred her to Butterflies.

“She seemed kind of lost, not picking up English, withdrawing from her peers,” Ms. Chiu recalled. “She seemed anxious that her mom wouldn’t pick her up.” Another problem was the mother’s expectations: The only toy in their home was a letter board more appropriate for a 6-year-old than for a child turning 4.

Mrs. Chen, whose husband is now in the Army in South Carolina, threw herself into becoming a more supportive parent, Ms. Chiu said. Though she spoke little English, she phonetically memorized songs like “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” At a 99-cent store, the therapist helped her pick playthings that would allow her daughter to express herself.

The payoff was obvious when the preschooler returned from a class trip to the Bronx Zoo one recent afternoon. Pigtails bouncing, her smile electric with joy, Alisa threw herself into her mother’s arms. Ms. Chiu beamed.

Next month, Alisa’s little sister arrives from China to begin Head Start.

Posted under duh! journal
Jul-5-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: duh!journal mascot # liu

i was thinking that we need a mascot for duh!journal….or a funny pages section….or at least one regular comic strip. most newspapers and magazines have at least one of these. even the new york times….on sundays….in their magazine is a weekly strip. so i scoured the earth and am going to post the sasquatch ads from jack links beef jerky.

these videos communicate duh! because the humans in the videos mess with the monster known as sasquatch with disastrous results. you don’t mess around with monsters!! what makes it double duh! is that the dumb@$$e$ buy, consume and enjoy the product the commercials are selling giving the subtle subtext of dumb@$$e$ eat and like our beef jerky; we’re dummies! and you can be just like us! by eating our products!

sure you could look them up on google or youtube…..so what would be the point of watching them here?….but isn’t that the case with any video that’s posted? maybe you have found out about the videos here….will watch them elsewhere….and relive them here as i post them periodically.

Posted under duh! journal, messin with sasquatch
May-6-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: cinco de quatro and other obama gaffes

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

did you celebrate cinco de quatro with obama? you don’t have to play the video too long to catch this duh! moment.

he said cinco de quatro…which means a puzzling fifth of fourth. i think its a simple slip. but what if bush had said that?

i’m no bush apologist and i think bush was a particularly poor public speaker especially when unscripted…but as someone who speaks frequently, i understand that if you make x number of speeches or talks, you will also make y number of mistakes and gaffes. so i defended bush and others when they made slightly and even really stupid verbal bloopers. public speaking is one of the hardest skills to master.

when bush misspoke, people immediately equated that with stupidity. but when obama fumbles, people have been quick to forgive. thus the point of a website i stumbled upon after i looked up this obama butchering of spanish for cinco de mayo.

clearly this blogger has his agenda but it is an amusing catalog of duh! moments from our current president proving at least that he is not the messiah.

it comes down to those we love and those we loathe….we forgive our friends while we revile our enemies. its rarely an issue of right and wrong but who we choose to extend grace to.

Posted under duh! journal
May-3-2009

from the pages of duh!journal:duh!journal mascot #go

i was thinking that we need a mascot for duh!journal….or a funny pages section….or at least one regular comic strip. most newspapers and magazines have at least one of these. even the new york times….on sundays….in their magazine is a weekly strip. so i scoured the earth and am going to post the sasquatch ads from jack links beef jerky.

these videos communicate duh! because the humans in the videos mess with the monster known as sasquatch with disastrous results. you don’t mess around with monsters!! what makes it double duh! is that the dumb@$$e$ buy, consume and enjoy the product the commercials are selling giving the subtle subtext of dumb@$$e$ eat and like our beef jerky; we’re dummies! and you can be just like us! by eating our products!

sure you could look them up on google or youtube…..so what would be the point of watching them here?….but isn’t that the case with any video that’s posted? maybe you have found out about the videos here….will watch them elsewhere….and relive them here as i post them periodically.

here’s an extended version:

Posted under duh! journal, messin with sasquatch
Apr-29-2009

from the pages of duh!journal: swine flu(naming)madness

duh!journal scours the earth for dumb behavior….some low brow…some high minded…all duh!

a little known fact is that duh!journal started out as a medical publication revealing wasteful studies on things we already knew. so it is always good to get back to our roots in the medical field…….

from ap:

Israeli official: Swine flu name offensive

The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.

Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and “we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu,” he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.

**************

…..because mexican flu is not offensive at all.  and surprise! mexico is not happy…from the jerusalem post:

Mexico on Tuesday launched an official complaint to Israel regarding Deputy Health Minister Ya’acov Litzman’s suggestion to call swine flu “Mexican flu” in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork.

Mexico’s Ambassador to Israel Frederico Salas complained to the Foreign Ministry in Jerusalem that the name Mexican influenza was bothersome and worrying.

The Foreign Ministry stressed that Israel had no intention of changing the name of the virus and emphasized the friendly ties between Israel and Mexico.

*******************

and presenting something even worse…from sfgate.com:

That didn’t take long: Swine flu renamed “killer Mexican flu” by group urging border closed

Posted under duh! journal